Juan Carlos Escobar

Yeah...That's his name! The famous Juan Carlos of whom I've spoken of in my previous post. The man that won't give up and also the man that is getting on my last nerves!!!! When it comes to the "L" word, I'm not too good at it. From since a very young age I've been somewhat of a Loner. I've had very few boyfriends and when I had them I would only do two weeks or so and then break up with them. That's because I have zero tolerance for people. I only feel comfortable being alone and not being bothered with anyone. Especially "Needy" men. A needy man frustrates the hell out of me!!! It's just easier to be alone and only be responsible for myself. Juan is the most wonderful man I've ever met. there's nothing he wouldn't do for me. he's at my beck and call. It's beautiful his love for me, but also a little annoying on some level. He only wants to please me and me only. my happiness is all he cares about. I don't know how to deal with this kind of affection. It's a little scary. He wants to marry me, but I beg to differ! I'm not sure about marriage. It's such a serious step and a serious decision. It changes your life completely. I'm not sure i want my life to change that drastically. I hate change and once I'm in a comfort zone, I hate to be removed from it. I just don't know what to do. All that flashes through my mind is giving up my freedom and having to satisfy this man everyday. Damn it! i just don't think I can do it! Es tan mucho! (It's too much!) he's lovely. He's wonderful, but I have to say that marriage is a little far fetched for me. It doesn't seem like marriage is for me. Afterall, it's not for everyone. I am so set in my ways and i don't want to change it for some man. I think If I married him and i discover I didn't like being married that I would consider divorcing him. I don't stick around for anything or any situation I'm not comfortable in. I don't like it, I get rid of it! Sometimes i think of marrying him, but soon afterwards, I think to myself, Hell no!!! Only time will tell. My concern is maybe I'm not attracted to him. I mean why else don't I like him touching me or kissing me, or even hugging me unless I wasn't physically attracted to him? I mean if I were dating someone i was mentally and physically attracted to, I would hug him and kiss him as much as he would to me. It would be equal, but something in me doesn't feel that with juan. It could be fear. It could be that i just don't feel enough for him to be with him. I ask myself that everyday why I don't like him touching me. I don't really have an answer for that exactly. I guess one can only imagine. I don't like to disrespect juan or make him feel bad, but I speak the truth and if you ask me to tell you the truth, I will and you may not like it but that's the way love goes. well, this all I have ton say about this man in whom I don't quite understand his love for me. Untill next time, ciao!