Finding Me, Finding Freedom

You Know life can be tough and can cause a person to ask themselves some pretty complicated questions. The unexplain happens, you try to find answers, but can't because life is a mystery. They're aren't always answers to our many questions. I live a pretty blessed life, but I've also had a pretty complicated life. I've had problems, issues even trying to figure out who I am. I've never been able to stay in a relationship with anyone to experience love, except for once with my Ex-Boyfriend Corey Barlow whom I would've married if we could've seen more of each other. We had a great relationship, but other than that, I can't tolerate being in a relationship. It's too complicated. I don't want to be with any man I can't love or give my all too if i don't even love myself. You can't give love if there's problem inside of you, so with that in mind I refuse to be with any man and I especially refuse to marry one. I will continue to be single untill I can love myself and learn to understand what it is God is trying to tell me. I have to find me and understand who I am before I can give myself to another. Finding me means finding freedom, because it is then when I am set free. It is where I am free to Love myself and love someone else. I am selfish with myself at this point and I am not willing to share me with someone else. The timing is not right. It is best i stay alone so I can discover who I am in God and what I can offer to this world. Other than that I'm good where i am now. I don't want to be with anybody and that's how it is. I don't need anyone to negociate with me or make any deals to gain access to my heart. It's a waste of time. My heart is not prepared to open nor is it prepared to love. I'm ok with that. I'm content (Muy contenta) with my decision. By me standing up and listening to my heart proves that when I'm done healing I'll be ready for marriage and ready to give love to my future husband whoever that is, and whoever he may be I must feel deeply for him and connected to him spiritually and emotionally. I must enjoy conversations with him and the touch of his hands caressing my body. I must enjoy the softness of his lips pressed against mine. We must truly become one person. If all of those emotions are not there, We have no relationship. If they are, My future husband will be one lucky man because I will be all over him! I am in the midst of finding me, Finding Freedom so that I may be set free! But understand this as i do that marriage is NOT for everyone and it may not be for me. If it isn't and God is ok with it, then I'm ok with it also. Love to you all! -Tina